Independence Day Part 2 - UBER! July 2024

 I did it! I finally UBERed all by myself! I walked to the grocery store near my cousin, Diane's house. Shopped, then UBERed home! Wa HOO!

Riding in the UBER car - 1st time excitement! 

I did it! 

Independence Day and Hurricane Beryl-July 2024

Hurricane Beryl, in the summer of 2024, was the catalyst that got me moving in the right direction - towards independence. It was time for me to take the next step in my life - to do the things I’ve been afraid to do because I have to do them alone. 

Traveling by myself was one of those things. I was afraid to fly. Afraid to drive across the country alone. Calling an UBER or taxi made me anxious. I worried about Bill and my dog, Oreo. Who would take care of them while I'm gone. No, it's just too hard to travel. So, I didn't. 

When I learned that Beryl was heading further east than originally anticipated, I decided to evacuate my home in Galveston. I knew Bill would be ok in the Veteran’s home in Houston as it was built recently and with Texas storms in mind. But my apartment in Galveston is old, and I live on the first floor. The weather forecasters were predicting floods, not wind damage, so I left. My daughter, Shelly, who lives on the 3^rd floor, chose to stay behind. 

I packed up the car with my important paperwork, my best clothes, food and Rx for me and Oreo, and whatever else I couldn’t replace that would fit in the car. 

I had plans on leaving at noon. I wanted to be sure everything was battened down and that I didn't leave anything behind. However, in the midst of pondering my options, I got a call from Shelly, “Mom, you have to leave, now! The rain is on its way, and I don’t want you to be caught driving in the storm.”

Now, I was truly panicked. I scrambled out to the patio and literally threw the furniture and decor into the middle of my living room floor. I raced out the front door, grabbed the doormat, my ceramic porcupine, and the valet trashcan off the porch and flung them in my hallway. Then, I snatched Oreo and tried to get her to “go potty” for the long drive. That was not happening. She could see I was stressed and that made her stressed. The more I yelled, “go potty,” the more she would not go potty. I finally gave up, tossed her in the car, and headed up the road. By now, my blood pressure was probably 180/100! 

I made it to Houston before the rain started. Fortunately for me, it was one of the tails of the hurricane, and it was not long before I drove out of the downpour. The rest of the trip to Austin was peaceful, so I my blood pressure finally calmed down. 

I stopped at Bucky’s on the way into Austin where I got food and Oreo did her business. All was well as I drove into the entrance of my son’s apartment. Now I could relax until the storm was over. 

Unfortunately, the storm came into Galveston worse than predicted. Shelly and I were on the phone a good part of the night as she endured the assault of the hurricane. The winds roared, swirling debris slammed the sides of her building, her roof began to drip water, and the windows leaked. I can only imagine how she felt on the 3^rd floor. That is another story only she can tell. 

Eventually, the storm passed, leaving the whole area without electricity. Beryl's 85 mph winds had downed power lines and poles from Houston to Galveston. Rubble and water covered the streets, trees pierced roof tops of homes and businesses, dozens of pelicans lay dying on the causeway, and the temperatures soared into the 90s with 60% humidity. Although, all my friends and family were safe, it would take weeks to recover from Hurricane Beryl. 

That was when I decided to take a new step to my independence. My son, Wil, encouraged me to “get out and see the world” while he took care of Oreo. I quickly booked a flight to New Jersey before I could change my mind. What better way to start my new life than around family. 

So, now I'm here, staying with my cousin, Diane. Not only will I have a chance to visit with my extended family, but I’m planning on taking some radical steps to prepare me for my new “single” life. 

Step 1: I’m going to get around in New Jersey by myself, as needed. No more depending on family to get me there. Yesterday, I drove 20 minutes away, on the highway, to see my aunt in her nursing home and then shopped for groceries. All by myself. Guess what? It was easier than getting around in Houston to visit Bill! 

Step 2: On my way home, I’m planning to take a train from Trenton to Philadelphia, all by myself. No more depending on family to take me and pick me up from the airport. I’ve never done this before, but I can do it. I know I can. 

Step 3: I’m going to learn to UBER. I’m going to UBER from the train station to my hotel near the airport. 

Step 4: No more plane PTSD! If I need to fly, I’m going to fly. After all, it’s more risky to drive on Houston highways than it is to fly in a plane.  

Step 5: I’m going to set boundaries. If anyone says “No, you can’t stay in a hotel or drive across the country by yourself, I’m going to listen to advice that helps me make a safe decision, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to make me more independent. 

My friends and loved ones want to protect me, but I need to do this for me. I spent my whole life dependent on someone: my family or my husband. Now, I’m alone. I have to learn to do for myself or I will waste the years I have left wishing I had done the things I wanted to do. 

No more. Today begins Independence Day for Cindy Downes. 

UPDATE: I downloaded the UBER and LIFT apps. Got familiar with them and then proceeded to let my cousins take care of me the whole week, even take me to the airport. It was too easy to let them do it. Hopefully, I'll work on this when I get back to Galveston. One step forward, two steps back. . . 

Riding Around and Eating Ice Cream - June 2024 Memoir

As a retired helicopter pilot/Delaware state Trooper, Bill’s favorite thing to do is go for a car ride and get ice cream.  Although I live an hour away, I try to get up to the Richard A Anderson Veteran's Home at least once a week to make this happen. However, it’s not always easy. 

Bill is in late-middle stage of dementia, so he has significant trouble getting in and out of the wheelchair and car. More troublesome yet, the disease has caused a disconnect between his brain and the signals that tell him he needs to go to the bathroom. To help me when I take him out, the staff at the VA pack a “TO-GO Emergency kit” complete with clean clothes, new pull-ups, and lots of wipes. If I remember to call ahead of time, they also postpone giving him his diuretic, which helps with the liquid problem. The other problem is hit or miss. Today was a miss. 

I’ll be honest with you. When Bill was home and this happened, I completely lost it. The stress of caring for him 24/7 was so much that anything extra sent me "into the depths of despair," as Anne of Green Gables would say. Now, with the care we get at the VA (both for him and for me as his caregiver), I can handle it much better.  

We drove around a bit and then stopped for lunch at the House of Pies. Bill had a cheeseburger and sweet potato fries. I had a chicken salad. Just before ice cream and apple pie was served, disaster struck. 

My apologies to all the male customers I met in men's room as I took care of my husband. I will say, they were all very gracious. With my trusty “To-Go kit,” we were cleaned up and ready to go in 30 minutes. The restaurant had packed up Bill’s apple pie and ice cream in a to-go box, so he had a treat to look forward to when we arrived back at the VA. 

Bill is always confused when he gets back from his car rides. “Where are we?” he says. I tell him he’s at the VA hospital where they are taking care of him. When I show him his room, he asks, “Is this where I’m staying tonight?” “Yes,” I say. “Just look for the helicopter on your door.” I attached a large blue helicopter on Bill’s door to help him locate his room. It works some of the time.

After he's comfortably situated back in the dining room, enjoying his pie and ice cream, I quietly leave to go home. In the car, I turn on the engine, but don't drive off. Instead, I sit for a moment and reflect on the day. By now, he's already forgotten I was there. However, we did have a couple of hours where Bill was living his dream – riding around the countryside and eating ice cream. I wipe away the tears that begin to form in my eyes, and say, "It was all worth it." 

I am VERY SLOWLY getting back into writing. I'm working on memoir, a mystery, and some short stories. In the process, I signed up with Sisters in Crime to stay motivated, learn more about fiction writing, and find resources. I'm so glad I did. I was able to get into a mentoring program for six months where my mentor, Dianna Sinovic, is giving me inspiration and motivation. I'm so grateful to her and SinC. Although I don't have many words completed (18,000), she is working with me to develop characters, motives, and clues. And, I'm much more motivated to keep working at this project. Thank you, Dianna!

Retirement Revisited-April 2024

This is a piece I wrote from a writing prompt on retirement. My gal pals (Debbie and Lori) and I get together once a week and write about whatever comes to mind, starting with prompts that Debbie gives us. It's always fun to read what we come up with. Sometimes, we write memoir pieces; other times we go off into fantasy land and write fiction. I'm thankful that I have made so many wonderful friends on the island, especially my writing group gals! 

Retirement Revisited

We were about to enjoy the last years of our lives, visiting parts of the U.S. that we had never seen before, eating at local pubs and diners where the town folk eat, and taking photos for our memory albums. That’s all Bill wanted to do after he retired. Travel and dine out.  

Bill at Museum

  

Clowning Around Taking photos

It wasn’t all I wanted to do, but I enjoy these things too. I could still craft, read, write, walk in the park, and do the things I enjoy when we were home. So, for me, life was going to be good. We had enough money to live comfortably and enjoy our retirement. Just a simple life with simple plans. 

Visiting a Bird Sanctuary

But that simple plan failed. Instead of traveling and dining in the U.S., Bill is now dining in a memory care unit in Houston, Texas. Instead of making new memories, Bill is desperately trying to remember whether he has Army Reserve drills this weekend or flying the police helicopter out of Dover, Delaware. Is he fixing computers in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or taking photos in Virginia Beach? Some days, he’s trying to remember how to get to work. Other days, he thinks he remembers that he owns this memory care unit. Where did that come from? I have no idea. He had been a man of many talents, but he had never owned his own business. 

 

And me? I sit here in Galveston in between visits to Bill, lonely, confused, and angry. There is no one here for me when I wake up in the morning. There is no one here for me to compliment the meals I make. There is no one here to call an ambulance for me if I have a heart attack. 

 

For a while, I continue this pity party. “Oh, woe is me. Who’s going to take care of me?” Then I think about my single kids and friends. How do they do it? All their lives, they’ve been single, but I don’t hear them complaining about the things I complain about. Instead, they’ve learned to adjust their lives to being single. 

 

I mentally slap myself in the face and force myself to reevaluate. “Move on with your life,” I tell myself. “You have a husband in memory care, but you still have hours, if not days, of every week left for you. Take them. No one else can take them for you. Staying home and sulking won’t make your husband any better. It won’t help him to have the retirement he deserves. Nothing will. That’s a given. But you, home alone, crying, bitter, and yearning for a life not possible, helps no one. Not Bill. Not you. Not your family and friends trying to help you move on. 

 

“The guilt won’t go away; that’s true. But it also can’t be solved. It’s not your fault. It’s not his fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just the way it is. Accept that fact that you feel guilty, but also accept the fact that you can’t change the circumstances no matter how hard you try. And then, get on with the rest of your life. Enjoy the time you have for yourself. Do the things you’ve wanted to do. Experience life as you’ve never done before. No, it's not the retirement you had hoped for, but it can be a retirement worth living, for both you and for Bill.

 

“As you embark on new adventures and experience a life that refreshes the soul, your visits to Bill will become a pleasure instead of a thing to be dreaded each week. When you smile, he can smile. When you’re refreshed, you’ll have the ability to shower him with the few pleasures he can still have, whether it’s a home-baked cookie, a “contraband” coke, a visit with his dog, or even a short ride through Freddy’s drive in for a Peanut Butter Concrete. It may not seem much to you, but for him, It’s a special treat for a special day.

 

“Now, that’s a retirement you can be proud of.”

 

Travels with Oreo - A Book Review

I read the book, Travels with Oreo, in one sitting. The author, Lucinda Brief, insists it’s the only way to appreciate the book’s short, quirky plot.

The story begins in Galveston, Texas, where our hero, Jocelyn Starback, decides to go on a cruise through the beautiful northwest and into Canada. Her ticket purchased, her luggage packed, and her passport in hand, Jocelyn arrives at the airport only to discover she left Oreo home alone. That will not do.

Insisting the TSA Clerk hold her plane while she travels home to alleviate the situation, Jocelyn ends up in handcuffs. 

The plot moves forward, a bit slow in my opinion, until the FBI is called in. At that point, we are introduced to Jocelyn's father, Harry Hoopert, the head of the FBI. He releases her from airport security and admonishes her for causing such a ruckus at the airport. 

Meanwhile, her plane has left and Oreo is still home alone. The author now strays from the plot and moves back to Galveston where Oreo is guarding Jocelyn's house.

Two drug-induced neighborhood teens have decided to break into Jocelyn's home. They enter through the patio door, which Jocelyn never keeps locked. 

Oreo, a resourceful dog, grabs one teen by ankle and tosses him into the enormous, decorative cactus growing in Jocelyn’s living room. The second teen manages to get past Oreo and is now rummaging through stamps, dies, and other card-making supplies that fill Jocelyn’s ebony black desk. As the teen mutters about not finding money or jewels, Oreo devises a new plan of attack. Knowing that teens are always hungry and love sweets, Oreo grabs a wrapped, chocolate CBD gummy from the candy dish and drops it at the teen’s feet. 

The teen snatches up the treat, unwraps it and stuffs it in her mouth. 

At this point, Jocelyn walks in with her FBI dad and discovers one teen speared by cactus thorns and the other teen passed out in a drugged delirium.

The story ends with Jocelyn and Oreo taking off in a motorhome to travel the USA. “Screw the airplanes and TSA agents,” she shouts as dust kicks up behind her spinning wheels. “We’re off to see the USA.” 

I recommend reading this book with a steaming hot cup of cocoa. I guarantee you will finish the book before your delightful beverage gets cold. 

I give this book 2-1/2 stars. It was inventive; however a bit farfetched, too short, the language coarse, and the vocabulary too elementary. 

The author hints at a second book coming out soon. My recommendation to her is to spend money on the cover or no one will buy it.

Author's NOTE: The chocolate gummies are a figment of the author's imagination. No such things exist in the hero's home.

Academic Shenanigans - A Memoir

My daughter tells me that she sometimes uses my college academic experience to encourage her students to work harder on their grades. Today, I thought I’d write about my college antics for my writing practice. Maybe someone else will realize how important it is not to waste your college years! 

It’s spring, 1968. The country is in the middle of the Vietnam War. I lost my favorite uncle, Bobby, age 25, in the war just last year. But here in small-town Lewes, Delaware, on my family farm, Vietnam is far away and not currently in my thoughts. All I can think about, today, is my new home for the next four years, the University of Delaware. 

My Uncle Bobby

I had made plans for my boyfriend, Ernie, to meet us and drive up with us to visit the campus. I met Ernie, a coast guard sailor, through my older brother, and we had been dating for the last year. As my parents and I were getting ready to leave, the phone rings. It was Ernie. He gives me an ultimatum - marry him or go to college. I was speechless. I sure didn’t expect that. I chose college, however I did spend quite a bit of  time crying on the way up the highway. But, the excitement of going to college kept me moving forward.

 

I loved school and I especially loved my home economics teacher, Miss Parvis. She was my hero. I was going to be just like her - a home economics teacher. Because I was a good student and from a lower income family, I had earned a scholarship/work study program that paid my way through college, in full. There was no way I was giving that up.

Betty Crocker Homemaker of the Year

What I didn’t realize was the difference between small-town, sheltered farm life and big-town, university life. Instead of classes being 10-15 students, my classes are in lecture halls of 300+ students. Instead of teachers who know you and encourage you in your studies, my new teachers are dots on a stage. The classes are not what I expected. My dorm smells like marijuana. Students are making out on the steps of classroom buildings. Boys are streaking in their birthday suits, wearing a mask no less! Hydration is primarily booze, not water, and partying is the main course. I am definitely a “fish out of water.” 

 

It wasn’t long before my goal in college was no longer to become a home economics teacher, but to date one guy from each fraternity on campus. Studying was non-existent. It was all about the fun. This was a life I had never experienced, and I was ready to experiment.

 

By the end of my first year, I was on academic probation. Therefore, I quickly devised a new goal - study just enough to stay in school. I did NOT want to go home. The only classes I did well in were organic chemistry and psychology, so I changed my major to psychology. I didn’t like that. Next, I changed to business administration. Why? I have no idea, but it worked, at least for the remainder of my college career. In fall of my 3^rd year, I married Bill and left college for good, or so I thought.

 

Fast forward to the year 2007, almost 40 years later. I’d been very happy as a stay-at-home mom while my children were growing up. Now, my kids were out of the house. Bill was legally blind and no longer able to work. Any additional income was now up to me. I decided to go back and finish my college degree. 

 

I applied to Oklahoma State University and was appalled to learn that my 1.7 GPA from University of Delaware followed me all the way to Oklahoma. I was admitted, but I was on probation with the understanding that I had to get my GPA up to 2.5 in order to graduate. In other words, I had to earn a 4.0 in every class or I would not graduate! 

 

I never worked so hard in my life. I studied for hours on end, read extra books when available, and spent many hours in the tutoring center. I was a journalism major so I started my own blog and even made it on Good Morning America because of my blog. 

But I did it! I brought my GPA up to 2.97 and graduated at age 60. Even though I had a 4.0 grade point average at OSU, I was disappointed to learn that I wouldn't graduate with honors, again because of my past shenanigans! But at least I did graduate! 

 

It makes me wonder what my life would have been like if I had applied myself the first time around! The moral of this story is: Your grades will follow you everywhere. Do it right the first time!