Gratitude Journaling

I got up this morning with the realization that, in spite of my difficulties, I am a very blessed person. So, I decided it was time to write another gratitude blog. Here goes:

I get to live in a beautiful apartment that's perfect for me. First, there's a kitchen filled with everything I need for my experiments in the culinary arts.  I have appliances for every application and spices of every kind. I can grind my own wheat, bake my own bread, make a simple, grilled cheese sandwich, or prepare an international feast from scratch - Indian, French, or my current favorite, Mediterranean. 

I have a craft room where I can practice my art - whether it's making birthday cards, sublimating mugs, or creating 3-D pictures of turtles and flowers. I can work alone or with my very special "crafty chicks," a gathering I look forward to every month.

A Roland piano sits my main living area where I see it every day, a reminder that music is always within reach to soothe my soul. I sit down two or three times a day, learning to play just a bit better than the day before. 

My bedroom is a work in progress, decorated in purple and rose – colors that make me feel peaceful and provide a safe space to rest. Butterflies float on the walls, around pictures of outdoor scenery and signs that read: "Accept what is," "Let go of what was," Have faith in what will be," and "Believe in yourself." These remind me of my Stoic philosophy to live each day as it comes. 

I have storage, too - enough for both my "treasures" and my hurricane supplies!  In fact, my closet is so spacious I'm about to set up my sewing machine and serger inside to make sewing more convenient. I put these tools away several years ago because I have no one to sew for, but maybe I can use them now to sew children's clothes for someone else as way to give back.

Finally, I have a pool – four feet of cool, clear, blue water where I can swim my 20 minutes of laps each day to stay fit and "trim." Well, trimmer! LOL! 

In addition to having this perfect-for-me place to live, I have wonderful people in my life. I have two, very special children who take good care of their "mama" making sure I don't go off the deep end! They help me with hard decisions and remind me to take care of myself as well as Bill.

I have friends and relatives who make life exciting with fun "adventures." We share meals at fine dining spots, quirky Hobbit-like cafes, and local diners. We visit museums, attend plays,  and go to the symphony. We play Canasta, Cribbage, and Swoop, challenging each other to keep our memories sharp. We explore unique places, near and far – sometimes even lying on the floor, mesmerized by dazzling lights. And best of all, they put up with my idiosyncrasies and listen when I need to process the emotional roller coaster of Bill being in memory care.

What else could a person want? I am truly blessed. 

An Emotional Day

What a day. So many emotions – happiness, sadness, anger, gratefulness - all crammed into one day. 

The happiness was seeing my son, Wil, and his new dog, Freya, a white husky. Spending the last few days with them was a welcome distraction from losing Oreo.

Today brought the sadness. Wil, headed back to Austin, stopping at the VA so we could visit Bill together. I brought Bill outside to meet Freya. On the way, Bill said, I'm going to see "Oreo." I didn’t correct him-it would have been too upsetting. He was already agitated.

Outside, he recognized Wil right away but was frightened by Freya. Our visit was short; Bill wanted to go back to the safety of his pod. Inside, he grew more anxious, repeating, "help me, help me," over and over, with an occasional "I love you" thrown in as well. In his hallway, he kept saying, "help me hallway, we're back in my hallway, my hallway, help me." It's so hard to hear the confusion in his mind. 

Back in his pod, one of the other residents began shouting at Bill to stop it, even threatening him. At that point, I took Bill and went to find his aide before a fight broke out. I finally spotted her by the nurses' station limping and holding her hip as if she was in pain. She was in the process of taking a medication of some sort. Now, I was angry. "How can she take care of these patients when she's in pain? How can she help get Bill in and out of the Hoya lift or move him around on the bed to change him? Why isn't she at home healing while a capable aide takes her place?" I understand that she may not have sick time, but that doesn't help my husband. 

We finally got Bill settled, and I went to find the head nurse. I discussed the issue and she assured me the problem would be addressed. I left as there was nothing else I could do. 

Generally, I find the care at the VA very good. This was a definite outlier and it makes it hard to leave Bill knowing things like this happen. But what can I do? 

My gratefulness is for a Trader Joe staff member. I stop there occasionally when I'm in Houston because I love Trader Joes! As the staff member packed my freezer bag for me, we chatted about Galveston and Bill. When she finished checking me out, she asked, "What is your favorite color?" I told her purple. She insisted I wait at the register and left. Shortly, she returned with two beautiful bouquets of purple-pink flowers all neatly packed in a bucket with water and wrapped in two paper bags. It was a lovely gesture!

 I'm so grateful for the kind people in my life. It makes all the other emotions less painful.