As a retired helicopter pilot/Delaware state Trooper, Bill’s favorite thing to do is go for a car ride and get ice cream. Although I live an hour away, I try to get up to the Richard A Anderson Veteran's Home at least once a week to make this happen. However, it’s not always easy.
Bill is in late-middle stage of dementia, so he has significant trouble getting in and out of the wheelchair and car. More troublesome yet, the disease has caused a disconnect between his brain and the signals that tell him he needs to go to the bathroom. To help me when I take him out, the staff at the VA pack a “TO-GO Emergency kit” complete with clean clothes, new pull-ups, and lots of wipes. If I remember to call ahead of time, they also postpone giving him his diuretic, which helps with the liquid problem. The other problem is hit or miss. Today was a miss.
I’ll be honest with you. When Bill was home and this happened, I completely lost it. The stress of caring for him 24/7 was so much that anything extra sent me "into the depths of despair," as Anne of Green Gables would say. Now, with the care we get at the VA (both for him and for me as his caregiver), I can handle it much better.
We drove around a bit and then stopped for lunch at the House of Pies. Bill had a cheeseburger and sweet potato fries. I had a chicken salad. Just before ice cream and apple pie was served, disaster struck.
My apologies to all the male customers I met in men's room as I took care of my husband. I will say, they were all very gracious. With my trusty “To-Go kit,” we were cleaned up and ready to go in 30 minutes. The restaurant had packed up Bill’s apple pie and ice cream in a to-go box, so he had a treat to look forward to when we arrived back at the VA.
Bill is always confused when he gets back from his car rides. “Where are we?” he says. I tell him he’s at the VA hospital where they are taking care of him. When I show him his room, he asks, “Is this where I’m staying tonight?” “Yes,” I say. “Just look for the helicopter on your door.” I attached a large blue helicopter on Bill’s door to help him locate his room. It works some of the time.
After he's comfortably situated back in the dining room, enjoying his pie and ice cream, I quietly leave to go home. In the car, I turn on the engine, but don't drive off. Instead, I sit for a moment and reflect on the day. By now, he's already forgotten I was there. However, we did have a couple of hours where Bill was living his dream – riding around the countryside and eating ice cream. I wipe away the tears that begin to form in my eyes, and say, "It was all worth it."
You are an angel 😇
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